Radiation: Tick!

Hi Friends!

I have just logged onto Blogspot and seen that I've had more than 15 000 page views! Wow- thank you so much to each of you that read my little blog- I feel so blessed.

Here's a little update on what's been going on on my side of the planet:

I finally finished my 4 weeks of radiation but am still feeling the effects of those powerful rays. I have a beautiful tan from my jawline down to just above my ribcage so most people would assume I've been relaxing on some white sandy beach somewhere with a daiquiri in hand! Sadly my white sandy beach was more like a hard plastic board and the sun was one huge laser pointing down at me. The tan is just about the only positive thing to come out of radiation, the rest has been horrendous! I really suffered with the heartburn and raw throat which made even drinking liquids uncomfortable, it has only subsided in the last week or so even though I finished radiation 10 days ago.

 

Goodbye and god riddance Parklands Radiation Department! Woo hoo!

Random creme soda picture? I was sitting in the waiting room about to go in for a session of radiation and I had my hand on my chest because I had such terrible heartburn and a little old lasy said I should try crème soda if I find myself without gaviscon or and eno. BEST ADVICE EVER. Thank you sweet little lady- I owe you.


I'm still really tired but I'm trying to make the most of my days!

 

I spent 3 days with my Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother in Law (and Niece) at Castleburn in the Berg last week

 



I saw Shane, my Oncologist, last week to catch up, show him wedding pictures and discuss my plan going forward. It really eases my mind knowing that I have such a huge support group here to fall back on, they have so much experience with patients and it helps to know that my anxiety and stress in completely normal. Shane is so relaxed and down to earth and the thing that I like about him most is that he genuinely cares about his patients, he never looks at the clock or his watch while you are in his office and he makes sure he leaves no questions unanswered before you leave. People often ask me why I have treatment in Pietermaritzburg when I have treatment in Durban, I always say it's because everyone feels like family at Hopelands, they are compassionate and so interested in each of their patients, you never, ever feel like a number. This makes the world of difference when you are going through something as traumatic as cancer. At the moment Shane says I'm mostly likely in remission although it's difficult to tell, I have to have a bone marrow transplant to stay in remission and hopefully eventually be cured otherwise the cancer will simply return.

Tomorrow I have to have a whole lot of blood tests- 21 tubes in total- this is to check that I'm in good health before being admitted to hospital for my bone marrow transplant. I also have a CT scan booked for Wednesday morning. Gav and I are flying up to Pretoria on Thursday for the day to meet with Dr Brittain, my Haematologist, and the rest of the team at Pretoria East Hospital that will be taking care of me during my transplant. At this point in time we don't really know too much about the transplant in terms of how long I'll be in isolation for or how long my chemotherapy will last for, feeling a bit anxious as I'm really dreading my time in "jail" but eyes on the prize!

xxx

Reminiscing

Its 05h30 and Gav has just left for work, I’m curled up on my comfy wicker chair outside with my tea and blanket keeping me company. I can see the harbour lights twinkling through the trees in the distance and the world is stretching and waking up.

This time last year I had just had my first chemo session of my first cycle and most of the time I was too sick to even get off the couch but I pushed through, I was stressed about work and wondering how I was going to keep up with life. I remember staying up most nights with wild thoughts racing through my mind – am I going to die? Am I going to ruin my body? Am I going to have a life? Will I get other cancers? How will I cope? I still don’t know the answers too many of these questions but I live in hope that all will be okay. I remember crying in the shower some nights so that no one would see how distraught I was and trying to stay strong when I felt like falling apart-  a smile and bright eyes can hide enormous pain and suffering, and sometimes it’s the only way to keep things together.

I often get asked how I can be so positive and cheerful through all of this chaos, in the beginning I didn’t really know how to answer the question without giving to much away- my family was going through another crisis at the same time I was diagnosed (I won’t go into detail as it’s not my story to tell) and quite simply, I didn’t have a choice whether I wanted to be cheerful or sad, I had to keep swimming. Of course I had a wonderful partner and friends who helped me immensely but it was incredibly challenging. I remember lying in bed staring at the ceiling one night when a though crept into my mind - would it be better if I just died so that I didn’t have to face the tough road ahead? I quickly pushed it out of my mind and decided there and then that I would never, ever think about death again. I was going to rise up to this challenge and push my way through all the hardships- no matter what they may be.

Since then i have hit some pretty amazing milestones and I’m proud of myself for making it this far. I think I sometimes forget the severity of my situation and it really sunk in the other night when I was lying in bed with Gav and we were discussing my will. Not exactly something that young newlyweds should be discussing! Sadly it’s our reality and we are forced to prepare for every outcome, no matter how upsetting it may be. My bone marrow transplant is my golden ticket - screw getting to visit a chocolate factory, that’s of no use when you’re dead! On a serious note, it really is my last chance to be in remission and to stay alive. We all just assume that it will be successful and I have little doubt that it won’t be, but we still have to prepare for the alternative…

I am officially 12 sessions of radiation down and here is a breakdown of how I’m feeling:

Body:  My skin is a bit sensitive but not unbearably sore, no bumps or redness to report! My throat and oesophagus are raw, raw, raw… I am living on Myprodol and anti-inflammatory throat spray to keep the pain away but swallowing is painful.  A piece of toast feels like the equivalent of swallowing a cactus, I’m NOT exaggerating!

When I left Pretoria, after my bone marrow harvest, the Haematologist said that I needed to gain a minimum of 5kgs before I went back to Pretoria at the end of this month otherwise she would not sign me off to receive my transplant. This sounds easy peasy right?! When last did you get told to put on weight, ha! Well let me tell you, it’s A LOT easier said than done, I have been tucking into pizza, pastry, chocolate, bread, cheese, Ensure, double cream yoghurt and ALL the treats, I’ve had Easter for the last 2 months but I just can’t seem to gain weight. I have had to force down the solids as it is so incredibly agonizing to swallow. I am also so exhausted all the time. I wish I would explain exactly what this fatigue is like but I just don’t seem to be able to find the words, all I can say is that it is draining and awful and I can’t wait to have energy and a bit of spirit again! My takkies are squealing and want to come out of retirement (the spiders can find a new home) and my heart can’t wait to get blood pumping speedily through it again.

Mind: I have good days and bad days and I guess that’s normal. I’ve got my positive pants on and I’m trying to find as many fun distractions to do as possible so that my hospital check-in date doesn’t consume my mind and existence. I’m nesting like a crazy person and my Husband isn’t complaining! Lots of gourmet meals are flowing out of our kitchen, I’ve planted a new herb garden, and I’ve been spending a lot of time in home stores finding bits and pieces for our special home, Pinterest is eating all of our data and our spare room looks like a craft shop exploded inside of it.

Grow little herbies! Hoping Gav wont kill these one's while I'm away!

I want to make 2015 my year of “yes”, I’ve already committed myself to being a wife to the most unbelievable man which I’d say is a pretty good start! I want to say yes to as many opportunities as possible and I have the best of friends who will join me on this ride. I really want to push myself, experience new things and go on adventures, I want to laugh, to play, to love and to make sure that I embrace every venture that comes my way.

So friends, I encourage you to SEIZE THE DAY! Life can be gone in an instant – smell those roses, breathe in the fresh air and say yes to those adventures.

xxx