Hello Friends :)
Today is my 100 re-birthday – 100 days post
bone marrow transplant which is a huge milestone to reach, bring on the cake!
It hasn’t been easy and I’m far from being
my “normal” self but I have made huge progress and I am so excited to watch my
body recover and improve. I wake up each day with a grateful heart and try to
fill it with people and things I love, I hope that I never stop doing this and
I challenge you to do it to!
It is an absolute joy to be able to be in
control of my own life again rather than being governed by blood tests, doctors
appointments, diets, rules and the little cloud floating above my head
whispering “what if”. The simple act of drinking a glass of water poured
straight from the tap (without stressing about bacteria count and possible
repercussions) is a huge deal to me!
Gav and I are able to travel and explore
(just locally for now) without worrying about how long it will take to get to a
hospital in case I get sick and without packing my huge Big Jim toolbox full of
medicines. I’m not kidding.
Last Friday we flew up to Pretoria to see
my Haematologist, Dr Brittian, he was thrilled with my progress and latest test
results and he ended the appointment with a hug and the thrilling words “go and
live a normal life”. Queue champagne at the airport and an amazing supper with
our whole family with lots of sushi and delicious “normal” food- the perfect
recipe for the happiest Kirst!
Dear Cancer,
You crept into my life without warning and
created a powerful storm inside me that seemed never ending. You are an
unbelievable catalyst for change and you pushed me to realise all that I took
for granted until I was broken. You taught me to accept the help of others, to
spread kindness and love as much as humanly possibly, to rid myself of all
traces of bitterness and sadness. You taught me that my body needs love, care
and affection –not stress, worry and neglect. You ensured that I scattered and
shared pieces of my soul to help and encourage others.
Cancer, you put me on a new road filled
with potholes, and uneven surface and big stones. You showed me just how to
navigate even if I suffered necessary injuries along the way. I have questioned
how I live my life and have tweaked it to include the things of importance and
to toss out the terrible and useless.
Cancer, your lessons have been beyond
challenging. My body has been tormented while going through so much change,
hurt and healing and you have been the masterful guide and powerful teacher
throughout. You have pushed me into
walls and pulled me into storms only to throw me out into the calm and allow me
to breathe again. You robbed me of so much and thrust me into your hell for 18
months. Every single day I wake up with the bitter taste of your memory in my
mouth before the relief that you no longer own me floods my mind, leaving
behind gratefulness and a yearning to get on with my life.
Cancer, you taught me that I am strong,
resilient, courageous and bigger than you. You are a mere stone in my path and
I have kicked you into the grass. You have been sidelined- no longer my master.
I seek importance in every moment, I
cherish and honour my warrior body, I strive to do and achieve all things that
make my soul sing. I am no long your learner, your slave – I am a SURVIVOR and
an absolute THRIVER of life.
Cancer isn’t normally something to be
thankful for, but in the end I don’t think I would’ve realised how incredible it
is to wake up each day. Ultimately this disease has taught me more than it has
robbed me of and I wont be the last young person to receive a cancer diagnosis
– to those of you who find yourself facing this truth, I offer you this: be
brave, be bigger than all that you face and above all, embrace the inspiration
and transformation that comes your way.
I haven’t decided whether I will continue
with this blog or not yet, I feel as though I want a big break from all things
cancer related for a while, understandably. My special friends that have had to
endure similar torture forced by this hideous disease have criticised me for
leaving out many details of my journey and for “sugar coating” it. In many ways
this has been on purpose, I never wanted this to be a horrible, gory account of
suffering and torment; I simply wanted to create awareness and to keep my
friends up to date. Maybe one way I will feel strong enough to share some of
the omitted stories but for now I’m happy to shut the cover of this book and put
it back on my life shelf.
Thank you to each and every one of you for
taking the time to read my story and for all of your love and care, I wouldn’t
be typing today if it wasn’t for you.
xxx
